Controlling the Controllables
Dec 09, 2024
How to Keep Your Sanity (and Your Progress) Intact
Let’s be honest: life has a way of serving up curveballs like a baseball pitcher on steroids. One minute, you’re cruising along with your neatly color-coded planner, and the next, your kid has the flu, your boss wants that thing “yesterday,” and you’re Googling “How to move to a remote island forever.”
“It is not things themselves that disturb us, but our interpretations of them" – Epictetus
But here’s the thing: most of that chaos? It’s completely out of your hands. The good news? You can focus on the stuff that is in your hands—your effort, your attitude, and your actions. So, let’s dig in and figure out how to quit sweating the uncontrollables and start owning what you can.
Why We Suck at Letting Go
First, a quick reality check: most of us are wired to try and control everything. It’s why we yell at traffic (like the guy in the car ahead can hear us), obsessively check the weather app (as if it will stop the rain), and blame Mercury retrograde for our Wi-Fi cutting out (I do that). Spoiler alert: it doesn’t help.
Here’s the kicker: trying to control the uncontrollable isn’t just exhausting—it’s a one-way ticket to Frustration Town. And you know what lives there? Stress. Anxiety. And a giant pile of half-finished plans you gave up on because they didn’t go perfectly.
It’s time for a mindset shift. Stop playing tug-of-war with the universe. Start focusing on what’s actually in your control.
What Can You Actually Control?
Hint: it’s not the weather or how much you look like a Marvel superhero in the mirror (yet). Here’s a short list of things you can control:
Your Effort
You might not be able to control the results, but you can always control how you show up. Got a workout planned? Do it, even if it’s just 15 minutes. Feeling tired? Turn the intensity down a bit. Less effort is better than no effort at all, and sometimes, it’s exactly what’s needed for better recovery and better results. And last I checked, nobody ever got stronger sitting on the couch waiting for motivation to strike.
Your Attitude
You control whether you look at a challenge and think, This sucks, I’m doomed, or This sucks, but I’m “all-in,” and this is just part of it.
Your Actions
Life is basically a choose-your-own-adventure book, except instead of fighting dragons, you’re deciding whether to scroll Instagram for 20 minutes or prep a healthy lunch. Every choice adds up. Pick the ones that get you closer to where you want to be.
“Every action we take is like a vote for the person we want to become” - James Clear
What to Let Go Of
Now that you know what’s worth your time, let’s talk about what’s not.
The Outcomes
Listen, I get it: you want results. Maybe it’s lifting more weight, losing some fluff, or finally nailing a decent squat without feeling like a baby giraffe. But here’s the deal: results aren’t 100% up to you. What is? Showing up consistently and doing the work. Trust the process, not the timeline.
Other People’s Behavior
This is a biggie. Stop wasting energy trying to control what other people think, say, or do. Your neighbor Bob might never stop parking like he’s blindfolded, and your coworker might always send you “urgent” emails at 5 p.m. Let it go. Focus on how you respond.
The Stuff Life Throws at You
Flat tires, bad weather, a global pandemic—life will always throw random chaos your way. What matters is how you adapt. Missed your workout? Get a walk in, or a little mobility work instead. Raining on your outdoor plans? Cue up a yoga YouTube video. The world doesn’t end just because Plan A did.
"Settle yourself in the present moment. The future will take care of itself." – Rumi
How to Actually Focus on the Controllables
Here’s where the magic happens: putting all this wisdom into practice. Don’t worry, it’s not as hard as it sounds.
Set Small, Actionable Goals
Big goals are sexy, but they can be overwhelming. Focus on what you can do today. Instead of saying, “I’m going to get in the best shape of my life,” try, “I’m going to move my body for 20 minutes today.” Small wins add up faster than you think. I promise.
Get Mindful (Without Becoming a Monk)
Mindfulness isn’t just for people who own six meditation cushions and eat organic kale chips. It’s about staying present and appreciating what’s going on right now. Try this: at the end of the day, write down one thing that went well, even if it’s “I didn’t lose my mind when my dog ate my sock.”
Build Your Bubble of Awesome
Surround yourself with people, habits, and tools that help you focus. Join a community (like one that’s all about living stronger longer), set reminders to drink water, and keep your gym shoes where you can see them. You’re more likely to stay on track if your environment is on your team.
Putting It All Together
So, how does this play out in real life? Let’s say you’re trying to build your physical practice, and you’re doing a pretty good job. Your kid gets sick, and your plans go out the window. Instead of spiraling into “Why does this always happen to me?!” mode, you pivot: do a short bodyweight workout, or maybe crawl and farmers carry at home, or take an evening walk. No drama, just action.
It’s the same with life. Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t change. Adjust. Keep moving. And remember: progress isn’t about perfection—it’s about consistency.
Look, life is messy. It’s unpredictable. And sometimes, it’s downright unfair. But here’s the secret: you don’t have to control everything to make progress. You just have to control you. So take a breath, let go of the stuff that’s out of your hands, and start focusing on what’s in them.
Letting It Go vs Letting It Be
There’s nothing like being in the heat of the moment and you hear someone say, “Dude, relax, just let it go.” Telling someone to “let it go” when they’re clearly upset is bypassing their feelings and does not help.
If you're facing a difficult situation you can't change at the moment, “let it be” means acknowledging your feelings and the reality of the situation without judgment or excessive effort to "fix" it. For me, I’ll sit with it and focus on my breath. Within 1-2 minutes, I’m better. Every time. Try it. Let me know what happens.
PS. The story you think it takes may be the thing that's held you back from succeeding in the past. Let's connect on a complimentary call and discuss how you can start controlling the controllables and live stronger, longer in the second half of life. No pressure, no pitch. If you'd like to move forward at the end of the call, we'll discuss how. If not, we'll say goodbye as friends. Reply here or contact me at [email protected]